Ghosts Make Me Feel Alive

Hellos

Have always

sounded like goodbyes,

They are gone before

they are ever fully here.

Tracing the marks

I etched over my walls.

Those sweet words

Mixed with poison,

Scare me the most

I eat them up each time,

Always asking for

more in the end.

My name like feathers

In their mouths,

They pick at it until

There’s nothing left.

Aphrodite Kissed You

Your soul

A love letter

Written in cursive.

Carefully woven

together,

Flowing

Abruptly

Into my skin

As if it were the sea

Beckoning my name.

I let your smile

Wash over me,

For a moment I forget

About

The rain cloud

That rests above my head,

Oh how will

I ever forget

Your sunny disposition?

Sun King

Stepping out has always

Been dreadful for me my dear,

But you are

like the sun during

golden hour,

Warm,

Fleeting,

Your eyes like

Weltering flowers

Begging to rest,

Let me kiss them to sleep.

This apricot sky

Can never be as

Sweet as you,

Still I am afraid to leave this place,

So I will admire you from

This dusty

Window.

If you ever need to hide,

My arms will always welcome you.

How Did I Become So Jaded, When I’ve never been in love?

This recumbent state

Of living is not how I wish it to be

But it’s the little things

That torture and pick

At me endlessly

Like the way the sun

Had glistened off

Your eyelashes,

Liquefying my walls,

I quickly try to board

myself back up

Hoping you didn’t notice.

Your eyes,

I fear they will look into me

And see too much

Yet never enough,

I used to live more

dangerously

But somehow

That jaded knife

still lingers in my chest.

Maybe one day

I’ll have the courage to

Pull it out and

throw it into the river,

But it’s hard to do when

Affection does not mean

Someone will love you,

And it’s even harder when

you’ve grown used to

The sadness that lingers

Over your shoulders.

New Beginnings Are Always Scarier Than Endings

Lilac moon,

Apricot kiss,

Always on the verge

of something arising,

But never beginning.

This endless winter has

cradled my limbs

for years and years,

So forgive me but

I am fearful of the sun,

But here you are again.

Only used to empty words

And lifeless glances,

So what is this warmth

I feel in my fingertips?

If you want me too,

I’ll come back from the dead.

Please don’t rattle this

Coffined heart just for fun,

I dig the hole deeper each time

I resurrect it.

Though it may disappear,

Still I can’t help

but smile

At the thought of you being near.

So I embroider the stars

With your name,

even if you

decide not to stay,

That secret sky will shine bright.

Nice Guy Syndrome

Be honest with yourself

Just this once.

You left me outside your door again,

Made me lose my breath,

Summer rain stayed in

These hazy eyes for months.

You toss my words to the floor,

Just like my clothes on that winter night.

Those starlit eyes

never once looked into mine,

That girl from before

and the one who now calls your arms home,

I’ll never know that embrace.

Sending secret messages through the wind,

praying I’ll get to see you again.

That’s all over now,

the sweet taste of your memory

has turned sour.

Blank Thoughts

Despondent daydreams

And

Vacant eyes.

With a closed mouth,

You say to get a clue.

I can see it clearly,

She’s the only girl

you think of,

You see her in everything

like I do with you.

Make believe there isn’t

Light years between us,

But those empty kisses

Keep filling me up

Im bursting at the seams.

My scattered remains on the floor

slowly turn too flowers,

Those are my endless thoughts.

You can pick them apart if you’d like

Do what you want,

I just keep hoping you don’t leave.

Hey darling,

Why don’t you want me?

Sorry That I Couldn’t Say Goodbye

It’s been months,

your grenadine kiss

Stained on my lips,

They tasted of new beginnings.

The freckles on your body

A road map I followed,

Lighthearted angel,

I can’t take my

Eyes off of you

As you leave.

What do I do

When looking at

someone else

Feels so much like a sin,

Your smile the only

sacred thing in my life,

Even now I long

To be the flowers

Beneath your feet.

Even now

I wish

You were here

Next to me.

To my body, I am sorry.

Trying to catch my breath but there’s stones at the bottom of these lungs. I am heavy, stagnant, yet always on the run. Most days feel like an endless inferno, I am too mesmerized by the colors to realize that I am burning. My bones now brittle, crumbling like stale bread each time I try to carry the weight of others expectations. Trying to pick up the pieces always starts a civil war inside these four walls; wrestling with the voice that wants me to drop dead. I can tell it’s getting bad again when I don’t understand why I’m sad. When I don’t want to leave this bed. Those are the days I can’t even look at myself, my mind becomes a magpie of insults I find in between the spaces of the numbers on that scale I keep by my bedside. It’s become an obsession to know how much space I take up; some days I tell myself that not eating enough is self-love. And to this body I owe an apology. You never give up on me even when I say you’re worthless because you cannot grow roses, only dandelions inside this desolate shrine. I cannot promise this will be the last time I take a hammer to these walls but I will try to rebuild this architecture; one that is built with forgiveness and kindness. I will learn to love you with every changing molecule. My sympathetic temple, this is my apology letter. This is my way of saying thank you.

Sanctify

I thought I moved on from it all but I keep looking in my rear view mirror, wondering if you’ll ever appear. Deep down I know I’d turn around if you asked me too. My heart once light as feathers, solidifies with pain as the space between us grows bigger. The fire that rages behind your bird cage ribs, lit the road I traveled on but you’d never let me cross that bridge. The one that connected to your electric soul, the one that entails a future and a past with memories not yet lived. Kept at a distance, but close enough to feel the heat. For you, my love was an open border. I let you engrave your name on my skin but if that’s all it was I think I lost something I won’t ever get back again. My detrimental muse, I hear you in hidden hymns of the sky, I notice your warmth in my morning coffee, I can feel your guitar hands in these covers.! Once a gentle lover, now I walk with tight fists. Though I’ve surpassed the worst of this storm, still I wait for my heart to resurrect. To sanctify my life I have to shed this very skin. I must leave behind the part of you I still carry inside, but to forget you… I am anything but willing.